Secret Sauce

Butch Lebowitz

How to Get Your Muscle Growth Soaring, Your Skin Saran Wrap Tight, Your Veins Bulging and Your Muscle Separation Looking Like You Were Hacked Up With a Razor-Sharp Machete

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The guy who sold me the vial of little blue Dianabol pills made them sound more potent than Jack’s magic beans. Awesome size. Freaky strength. Energy out the yin-yang. He wasn’t just whistlin’ “Dixie.” Once I put them into my supplement mix, I grew like a fairy-tale beanstalk—almost overnight. I’d been lifting for years and had never felt anything like the full-flush sensation of synthetic hormones rushing through my veins. I was turning into Godzilla! My traps were bulging up next to my ears, my arms were ripping out of my shirts, and I could see the raw power in my forearms crackle every time I made a fist. That’s the kind of shit that makes bodybuilders’ mouths salivate more than a juicy steak served on a beautiful fitness babe’s bare-naked booty.

My strength was outrageous too. Through the friggin’ roof! When I saw some guy’s four-wheeler stuck in a muddy irrigation ditch, I pulled over, jumped out of my truck like Superman and turned into a human jack. With the guy’s girlfriend standing by, her eyes wide with excitement, I lifted the rear end as he gunned it out of the hole. I almost ripped my arms off, and I smelled like a walking sewer afterward, but I got him out—me, one two-by-four and my juiced physique. I also got a date with the girlfriend. She asked for my number while four-wheelin’ Johnny was checking for damage, and then she called me a few days later. We went out and had a hell of a time—me, her and my juiced sex drive. Let’s face it, steroids work—in more ways than one.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m no drug addict. That was my first and last steroid cycle because they became illegal a year later. (No way do I want to get thrown in the Big House. Hell, with my firm glutes I’d be some King Kong convict’s number-one butt boy.) Besides, steroids are powerful drugs with side effects—pissing blood is some scary shit—so these days my eyes are always wide open, looking for a safe, legal edge that will reproduce the Dianabol buzz that’s etched in my memory, and I think I’ve found one that’s pretty damn close. I can’t believe how it’s jacked up my size and strength. Even the monster I train with is freaking.

His name is Bernie, and he’s one big drug-free mother—strong as a gorilla on crank, and abs carved like giant cubes of granite. He’s ornery too. I remember the time he secretly attached one end of a dog leash to my bumper and the other end to a road-killed carcass, so when I took off, the rotting four-legged corpse started bouncing around behind my car. Everyone who saw it thought I’d dragged my pet pit bull to a horrible death.

Yeah, Bernie can be a riot—if you’re into cruel humiliation. Imagine this barbarian pissed, which he was, at me, after only three weeks of an eight-week cycle on my new supplement find.

Check it out. With Lurch standing by, his friggin’ jaw on the floor, I squatted 500 pounds for six deep reps, and the next day my bench hit an all-time high. People at my gym kept walking up to us, saying how my arms and back were looking fuller and freakier than ever. Old Bernie had smoke coming out of his ears. He was more confused than a horny teenage boy looking up a transvestite’s miniskirt. I was gaining size, getting ripped and lifting like a possessed maniac.

Now, Bernie comes from a long line of cops and says if he ever catches me using shit, off to King Kong convict’s harem I go. After my 500-pounds-for-reps act he was royally P.O.’d. He even had the balls to grab my T-shirt, pull me right up next to his face and, with breath that smelled worse than the roadkill he tied to my bumper, snarl, “What the hell drug are you on, bro?”

“Sorry, bro,” I said, knocking his hands away from my chest. (It took me two tries; as I said, the dude is one big, strong mother.) “It’s not a drug, but it feels damn close.”

“Yeah, right, asswipe,” he grunted. “Remember what I said.”

Big B wasn’t convinced. My squat weight went up again at our next leg workout, and he accused me of using Deca and Winstrol. He even asked some of the dealers around the gym if they’d sold me anything. The suspicious ape uncovered nothing, of course, because I’m not on drugs—but, as I said, I sure as hell felt as if I was. I’d know that unmistakable electrifying sensation anywhere (the one where you could tear the head off a raging bull!).


Unintended Consequences

John Balik


Usually, the phrase “unintended consequences” has a negative spin, and in bodybuilding it’s no different. Bodybuilding has taken on an undeserved negative spin because of drugs and the consequences of taking them. Bodybuilding, as an activity, sport and passion, is pure; it’s what we do with it that makes the spin positive or negative.

Immunity Opportunity

Daniel Curtis

Immunity Opportunity

Exercise offers a host of benefits, but few people know that one of them is a boost to your immune system. According to the March ’03 issue of Today’s Dietitian, “Interviews with runners, athletes and fitness enthusiasts indicated that 60 to 90 percent of exercisers reported shorter duration of cold symptoms than nonexercisers.”

L-Arginine and GH Surges

Jerry Brainum’s

L-Arginine and GH Surges

The amino acid L-arginine is most familiar today as the primary active ingredient in popular food supplements aimed at promoting the release of nitric oxide (NO). Arginine is the immediate nutritional precursor of, or raw material for, the body’s synthesis of nitric oxide. The reasoning behind such supplements is that NO is a potent dilator of blood vessels, and dilation can produce a greater degree of muscular pump during training—the muscle benefits through a heightened delivery of oxygen and nutrients.

Think Big—Mind Over Muscle

Jerry Brainum

Think Big—Mind Over Muscle

An often overlooked factor in promoting gains in muscular size and strength is the power of the mind. A clear indication of that power is the way beginners’ initial gains nearly always involve a greater connection between the brain and the muscular system. What happens is that as people begin to lift, they develop a higher level of brain and muscle coordination, resulting in greater neural input to trained muscles. That leads to strength increases. As they get stronger, their muscles begin to grow.

How to Build Massive, Wide Delts

Larry Scott

How to Build Massive, Wide Delts

You know what a Universal Multistation machine is, right? The slowly rusting monstrosity standing in the middle of the weight room with several work stations on it. It has a lat pull on one end, which isn’t bad, a funny seated leg press next to it, a bench press, some kind of a leg pulley station and, finally, a seated press. The individual stations aren’t bad, especially the seated press.